A Momentary Victory

Dear America,

"You've won." He told me with a note of finality.

There was no one left to prove my worth to. I'd risen through the ranks of being a lowly grunt who thought he knew his shit to a mid-level wiseguy saddled with too much regret and eventually reached the status of a respected professional in my craft. I was one of the guys now, but instead of confetti and fanfare I found myself wondering where to go to now, or even whether to actually believe the man.

What at first seemed so simple: establishing myself as a voice to be respected, had become a white whale ever-vanishing beyond the horizon. The idea that after ten years of small triumphs; taking my licks; and plotting in vapor-filled rooms that I could now finally relax left me speechless. The only rungs left on the ladder were ones I had no interest in climbing, but now that I had time to take in my surroundings, I dwelled on whether I even wanted to stay.

They say a shark cannot stay still or else they lose their ability to breathe. Although I'd be remiss to compare myself to such a thing (I'd rather liken myself to a mean-spirited sea-turtle), I can't help but think that I understand the feeling. I have to keep paddling or else I'll be swallowed by the mists of complacency and time.

But where to go? There's always going to be work out there for bums like me, but life does not equate work. There are other journeys I've neglected; partnerships yet made; and stories left untold. 

Where to begin though? The journey into the unknown is always perilous and frightening. This might explain why few take such a route when the safety of the familiar is far more accommodating. To be clear, I'd never consider myself brave. Perhaps foolhardy or desperate, but hardly courageous.

There's still much to do and even more to learn. The sun continues to rise and I have time to find you yet. Wait for me on the edge of the horizon. That's where I'll keep my gaze.

beach sea coast ocean horizon light cloud sky sun sunrise sunset morning shore dawn panorama seaside dusk evening reflection mediterranean contrast colorful clouds colors afterglow the light of the sun red sky at morning*

Sincerely,
Calhoun




Pxhere. (n.d.). Beach photo image. Retrieved from: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/343182.

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