Take It or Leave It
Dear America,
For the past few days, I have been pondering quite a bit about the term "compromise," especially as it pertains to relationships. I think an intense desire for control is pretty par for the course when it comes to the human condition. With that said, I would also argue that the struggle to come to terms with how other people behave may be one of the greatest obstacles humanity has to overcome. It certainly doesn't help that we have social media and television telling us what we should expect as opposed to what is real, but I won't go down that road again (you can read my earlier post if you want to know how I really feel about that).
First and foremost, ladies and gentlemen, you're never going to make someone change who they are. You can ask, cajole, threaten, and bribe, but at the end of the day it's their choice as to who they want to be. Even then, they have to really want to change if they're actually going to do it.
Second, we really need to come to peace with the fact that people will not be the idealized version of what we want. Your boyfriend is never going to like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, no matter how many episodes you torture him with. Your friend that you have a crush on is never going to leave her man for you (trust me, she would've if she actually wanted to). Your dog is never going to figure out how to use the toilet, and your best friend is going to continue to find ways to make friendly gatherings as awkward as possible no matter how much you try to placate him with booze.
Now, I'm not saying settle for the bare minimum either. It's damn important to know what you want and go after it. I'm just saying that if you find something that isn't on the mark, don't think you're going to force it to be something it can never be. It's a "take it or leave it" kind of situation. You should either accept the flaws that cannot be changed, or hit the bricks and start over. Otherwise, you're just wasting time...
Sincerely,
Calhoun
For the past few days, I have been pondering quite a bit about the term "compromise," especially as it pertains to relationships. I think an intense desire for control is pretty par for the course when it comes to the human condition. With that said, I would also argue that the struggle to come to terms with how other people behave may be one of the greatest obstacles humanity has to overcome. It certainly doesn't help that we have social media and television telling us what we should expect as opposed to what is real, but I won't go down that road again (you can read my earlier post if you want to know how I really feel about that).
First and foremost, ladies and gentlemen, you're never going to make someone change who they are. You can ask, cajole, threaten, and bribe, but at the end of the day it's their choice as to who they want to be. Even then, they have to really want to change if they're actually going to do it.
Second, we really need to come to peace with the fact that people will not be the idealized version of what we want. Your boyfriend is never going to like the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, no matter how many episodes you torture him with. Your friend that you have a crush on is never going to leave her man for you (trust me, she would've if she actually wanted to). Your dog is never going to figure out how to use the toilet, and your best friend is going to continue to find ways to make friendly gatherings as awkward as possible no matter how much you try to placate him with booze.
Now, I'm not saying settle for the bare minimum either. It's damn important to know what you want and go after it. I'm just saying that if you find something that isn't on the mark, don't think you're going to force it to be something it can never be. It's a "take it or leave it" kind of situation. You should either accept the flaws that cannot be changed, or hit the bricks and start over. Otherwise, you're just wasting time...
Sincerely,
Calhoun
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